If i come over, it means nothing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Everyone says I win the strip club
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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