is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
