I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
