her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
