do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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