I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
