soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
