where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize