we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
