Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
cat food counts as protein by the way
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
