i think my tv is drunk
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
porn star boner night. come get it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
