im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
