I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Are my feet made of real feet?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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