you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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