the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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