I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
