$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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