he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
