I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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