I need to stop coming to work sober
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
