You're my little dorito
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
