so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
foreskin is a definite game changer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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