ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
