I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
