just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
