i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
