Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
