im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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