I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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