My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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