Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
