Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A+ Viking dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
