Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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