i think i have herpe
just one?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This baby is an asshole
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
