i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
