just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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