I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
