I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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