im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
