it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
