I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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