i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize