so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
