My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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