It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
