Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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