sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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