you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this just has baby written all over it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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