I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
