well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
