He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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