so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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