I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
