I want to make a zoo with you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
