taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
