I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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