normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
