We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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