Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
