she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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