Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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