i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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