I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
