3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
