The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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