you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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