I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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