She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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