I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
