I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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