Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
